


Sans is a slut

by Tryppy



Category: Danganronpa, Dora the Explorer (Cartoon), Peppa Pig (Cartoon), Shrek (Movies), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 04:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20057689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tryppy/pseuds/Tryppy
Summary: this is so fucking stupid





	Sans is a slut

“don’t tell him i said this, but… komaeda’s a bottom.”

That was it. The words that lead to chaos. Did Sans know what consequences his actions would bring? No, he didn’t, but when he turned to see the shocked look on his lover’s face, he knew things would be going south.

“oh shit hey komaeda,” Sans said nervously, frowning.

“You told everyone my secret, Sans.” Komaeda was not very happy.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but it seems you have a bone to pick with me.” Were puns the way to go to get out of this peril? It was worth a shot…

“I can’t believe you told everyone I was a bottom!” Komaeda exclaimed. Clearly, the pun didn’t work. “I’m taller than you, I’m the top! Not only did you lie, but you caused despair!”

“pshh height doesn’t have to do with it,” Sans tried. “admit it, komaeda. you’re a complete pillow princess.”

Komaeda gave Sans a wink, a cocky expression dawning on his face. “Hinata-kun couldn’t walk for a week, I guess I just stuck him with my luck~”

“bragging about it makes you have small dick energy, bonehead.” Aggressive punning.

Sans thought he had the upper hand when suddenly, Kokichi appeared from seemingly nowhere. “Just kiss already” The little gremlin squeaked.

“i got no lips.” Clearly, it was a superior response from the skeleton.

Komaeda wasn’t having it. He pointed a finger at Sans and yelled, “you don’t even have a dick, Sans! You used Papyrus as a prosthetic!”

Sans was utterly disgusted by his lover’s accusation. “hey, don’t talk about my brother like that.”

“That’s stopped nobody, and everyone has used it!” Kokichi piped in smugly. Sans had to ignore that comment. Komaeda was clearly the true enemy here…

“i do have a dick and you have seen all of it.”

Komaeda gave a cheeky grin, holding his hands up in defense. “Ah, sorry Sans… I don’t remember seeing it…”

Meanwhile, the purple-haired rat boy was bent on destruction. “RIP IT OFF RIP IT OFF!”

“oh yeah, because it was up your ass you bottom!” Sans retaliated.

Komaeda snapped. “You asked for it!” With the power of hope and dumbassery, he made Sans’ dick EXPLODE.

Kokichi shrieked and began to cry. “It got in my eye!” 

Sans wasn’t impressed to say the least. “jokes on you, my dick is made with the power of my soul. it can regenerate!”

“Or did it?” Cockichi questioned, smirking.

“Sans, you made me shove fingers in your ass and you moaned Kanye’s name…” Komaeda frowned as he made a realization. “Are you cheating on me?”

“Kinky!” Thanks for the input, checkered scarf.

Sans was shocked. “with kanye? no, i would never.”

Kokichi was angered. “But who’s the real father?!”

At that moment, only the worst could happen. Walking in came none other than Kanye West, a bored expression on his face. “don’t lie.” He shot a glare at Sans.

Kokichi sighed in relief. “Thanks, Kanye. I knew it was a lie.”

Sans turned to Kanye, rubbing his hands together nervously. “kanye! i... didn’t know you were there.”

“I knew it…” Komaeda seemed defeated. “Kokichi, let’s go… you’re my kid...”

Little fucking gremlin giggled. “ORGY ORGY ORGY!”

Kanye crossed his arms, a hurt expression towards Sans. “You fucked up, dawg.”

“CHOP HIS DICK OFF!” Kokichi screeched.

Sans seemed torn between Kanye and Komaeda. “kanye, i can explain!” 

Kanye shook his head and turned away. “I’m boutta head out, man.” It was over!

“Damn… I knew it was too good to be true.” Kokichi sighed.

Suddenly, bullshit luck kills Sans and Kanye. 

“Let’s loot the bodies!” Kokichi suggested, smirking evilly. “I call Kanye’s dick!”

Komaeda in a crazed daze loots Sans’ body, only to find 20 half-empty bottles of ketchup, and a to-do list that's stained with ketchup. “Disgusting, the both of them… Hinata-kun was always the better choice…”

“hey i’m sans 2.0 ohbhfghhbj shit is that my dust?” Sans appeared from out of nowhere. “parallel universes exist in my canon so i’m legally allowed to do this.”

“It’s boring now…” Kokichi whined. “Kill them all with no mercy!”

“not so fast, kokichi!” Sans exclaimed.

Cuckichi started sobbing uncontrollably. “You’re not my dad!”

Sans frowned. “yes i am! and so is komaeda!” 

Kokichi seemed hurt. “Prove it, bitch!” He exclaimed, wiping his tears.

Komaeda shook his head, sighing. This wasn’t getting anywhere. “I never had a kid with you, Sans! Never have, never will! I was already pregnant when we met. Kokichi is Hinata-kun’s kid!”

Sans’ eyes widened, and he put a skeletal hand up to his face. He couldn’t believe it… “all this time, i never had to pay child support! you bastard!” 

Komaeda facepalmed. “Stop being such a dumbass, there’s a reason Kokichi is so short and pale. He got that from you, Sans.”

Kokichi growled. “I’m pale from you, dumbass, and I’m just short ‘cause I’m growing, fuckass!”

Komaeda looked panicked. “Kokichi, you weren’t supposed to say that!” He exclaimed. “I almost convinced him!”

“I WILL KILL YOU ALL IN YOUR SLEEP!” Kokichi screamed. What a loser.

Sans shook his head. “you just want my money, don’t you, komaeda?”

Cokeichi was still being a gremlin. “This is all a lie, like your dick, Sans!”

“HOOOOWWWDDDYYYYY Y’AAALLLl!!” Sandy Cheeks entered, waving. “Texas ain’t gay as ‘em critters over there.”

“Sandy, I’m going to cook you up like the squirrel you are,” Kokichi warned.

Komaeda was still angry at Sans. “You cheated on me twice, sans. With Kanye and Nikki. I already had Kokichi inside me when we met, he's Hajime's kid, but we still raised him. We were supposed to be a family, and you ruined it. Twice.”

Sans shook his head. “I ruined nothing! You said we could have an open relationship!”

Kokichi rolled his eyes. “I know you cheated, and Sans, that makes you a slut!”

Komaeda crossed his arms. “I never said ‘go fuck others’! I said ‘people can know that we’re dating’!”

“yeha sans is a slut he sucked my dick,” Garfield hummed, leaning back and watching everything go down.

“you didn’t… GARFIELD, I DID NOT SUCK YOUR DICK!” Sans yelled. 

“I stole your dick and sold it on eBay, Garfield!” Kokichi chuckled.

Komaeda threw his hands up in the air. “Garfield, too?! You really are a slut, Sans! I’m so disgusted!”

“Sans is a filthy cum dumpster,” Kokichi snorted.

Sans was desperate. “kokichi sucked garfield’s dick, babe! not me!”

“THAT’S A FUCKING LIE,” Kokichi growled.

“Guys guys! All this fighting will get us nowhere!” A dancing milk carton tried.

“you tweeted about it on your twitter dot com, kokichi,” Sans pointed out.

“I never did anything, it was only Shuichi!” Kokichi responded.

“SANS FOX UNDERTALE, I HEREBY DECLARE YOU A SLUT! YOU SHALL BE EXECUTED!” Komaeda yelled, sadness and brokenheartedness in his voice.

“i am not a slut, komaeda! you have to believe your husband!” Sans tried. Things weren’t looking too good for their relationship. “they lie to themselves because they want my boney dick!”

Suddenly, Hinata appeared from nowhere, cocking his truth bullet gun. “IF I HEAR ANOTHER PEEP FROM YOUR ASSES, I’LL FUCKING SHOOT!”

Everyone went silent, except for… fucking Kokichi. “Hajime, that’s kinky!”

Sans blinked. “kokichi that is your biological father”

“I know,” Ratkichi squeaked, “but that won’t stop me from saying shit about him!”

“Your doom is impending…” Shrek hummed ominously from the shadows.

Hinata, meanwhile, was losing it. “I HACKED INTO YOUR TWITTER, KOKICHI! I LEAKED YOUR TINY ASS DICK TO SHUICHI!”

Kokichi started crying again. “YOU DID WHAT? THAT’S ILLEGAL, DAD!”

Sans shook his head. “and i thought i was a bad father.”

Shrek couldn’t wait any longer. He jumped out of the shadows, a hunger in his gaze. “it’s meal time,” he roared. “Who’s first?”

“You,” Kokichi growled.

“hajime,” Sans suggested.

“Don’t sacrifice one of my dads!” Kokichi whined.

Suddenly, Hajime Hinata wasn’t him anymore. He was actually Shuichi, who was in a Hinata costume!

“Oh… hey Shuichi!” Kokichi giggled.

“oh hey its the blue-haired cuck,” Sans commented.

Kokichi seemed offended. “Don’t call him that!”

“What’s up?” Shuichi asked.

“Bust down Saihara or I’ll eat you first,” Shrek threatened Shuichi.

Sans shrugged. “i can call any of your greasy fuck buddies a cuck if i want to.”

Shuichi was crying now, and Kokichi was a bit amused. “Crying again? This is the fifth time this hour.”

Shuichi narrowed his eyes. “Shut the fuck up, Kokichi. You pissed in my ass last night and moaned louder than Kaito!”

Kokichi blinked. “We don’t talk about that…”

“holy shit,” Sans exclaimed. “i’m kinkshaming my own son.”

“Sans, you ain’t my dad,” Kokichi giggled.

Shuichi laughed. “Haha, Sans thinks he’s a father!”

“IMMA EAT YOUR ASS SAIHARA YOU DIDN’T BUST DOWN FOR ME BITCH!” Shrek suddenly roared.

Kokichi was shocked. “LEAVE MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND ALONE SHREK! EAT SANS, HE’LL LIKE IT!”

Shrek thought about that for a moment before looking at Sans with a curious expression. “S-Sans?”

Sans shook his head. “oh, i’m not ready tibia eaten.” He held his hands up in defense. “please don’t vore me, shrek.”

Kokichi rolled his eyes. “We don’t need anatomy, just eat his ass!”

“not my boney ass!” Sans shrieked.

Kokicheap rolled his eyes. “It’s just the ass. You wanted the kinky vore, Sans, wow!”

Sans sighed. “the adults are talking, kokichi.”

Kokichi started sobbing. “I’M AN ADULT!”

“Yeah man, sorry Sans you have no rights,” Shrek replied, shrugging.

Kokichi nodded. “Kill Sans! He has no rights ‘cause he’s a bottom.”

Sans unleashed his fury. “no u.”

Kokichi narrowed his eyes. “No u!”

“KILL SANS ALREADY!” Shuichi growled.

“skimpy ass bitch,” Sans exclaimed, rolling his eyes. With that, Kokichi tried to light the skeleton on fire, but Sans had teleported out of the way! “i am inevitable.”

“no me,” Thanos said from the heavens.

Komaeda walked back in, but something didn’t look right with him… he seemed off.

“looking pretty sexy, komaeda,” Sans hummed, winking.

“No me,” Kokichi and Thanos said in unison.

Komaeda smiled. “I love you, Sans!”

“Lies,” Kokichi hummed.

Sans smiled back, ignoring Kokichi. “i love you too, komaeda.”

Swiper the Fox shook his head. “He’s got liar disease, homo.”

“Komaeda is dead if he loves the man who fucked everyone,” Kokichi warned.

“liar disease?” Sans looked confused. “what are you talking about?”

Kokichi rolled his eyes. “Oh, that thing me and Miu made. It makes you lie like allllllllllllllll the time.”

Sans didn’t want to believe it.

Komaeda started sweating, a desperate look in his gaze. “I love him so much! I love him more than Hajime!”

Swiper sighed. “Yeah this bitch is definitely lying my b”

Kokichi narrowed his eyes. “Which one of you fucking gave it to him?”

Sans refused to believe it was a lie! “why are you sweating so much…? It’s disgusting.”

“Cause it’s a lie,” Kokichi sighed.

Komaeda shook his head. “I’m perfectly fine… I love you…”

Kokichi facepalmed. “God, you’re lying so much it hurts!”

Peppa Pig waddled in, bouncing. “I can play doctor! I’ll fix you up, Komaeda!”

“he seems fine to me,” Sans told them. 

Komaeda got that crazed look in his eye once more. “I don’t need to be fixed, I’m perfectly fine!”

“The lies, ow ow ow ow ow!” Kokichi whined.

Sans frowned, tapping his finger on his chin. “is it too hot in here, komaeda?”

“Y’all bitches whack!” Peppa grumbled. “Let me fix Komaeda before he dies!”

“The liar disease can’t kill yet, but go ahead,” Kokichi hummed.

Komaeda smiled. “I want to eat Sans like how he used to eat me…”

“ohoho,” Sans chuckled.

Kokichi made an ‘ew’ expression. “Alright, knock him out of it, bacon.”

“HE’S SO HOT!” Komaeda moaned.

“i know i am,” Sans responded.

“Go George!” Peppa’s little brother, George, threw a colorful ball directly at Komaeda’s face.

Komaeda seemed conflicted, holding his hands up to his head. He was freaking out, and seeming to be snapping out of it. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SANS IS DIGUSTING AND I HATE HIM MORE THAN DESPAIR, I WANT HIM TO PERISH IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE, I WANT KANYE, NICKI, GARFIELD, FAT KOMAEDA TO DIE TOO, LET THEM ALL BURN IN THE DEEPEST LAYER OF HELL!”

Sans blinked. “komaeda…”

“There we go,” Kokichi sighed contently.

“Dinosaur! Eat Sans!” George’s little pet dinosaur charged towards Sans and full on fucking ate him.

Komaeda laughed maniacally. “LET’S KILL THIS DESPAIR!”

“HELL YEAH!” Kokichi responded.

And then the two deadass fucked up the whole entire planet.

The end!


End file.
